It was in kasurdi, a small Indian village; away from busy & hectic city life, where three days youth camp was held by Campus Crusade for Christ. Campus Crusade is a mission working to proclaim the truth of life through Jesus Christ. My relation with Campus was ordained five years before and i am grateful towards it, as it introduced me back to Life again. Campus Crusade's core is active in Youth especially, as it works to encourage, train & disciple them towards Truth of Life. It arranges youth camps, meetings, & various events to promote it's theme; this camp too was carrying the same zeal. Campus Crusade usually holds such camps on hill stations & outskirts of pune, in a well equipped resorts or boarding; but this camp was exception from such pleasures. This time, we were to live in a small orphanage, of children suffering with HIV+ virus, so it was a real different experience we were going to have; but this was to be kept confidential among staff members & senior students; as many students would feel insecure, and to my surprise, even some of our staff were grumbling to live with those children. For me, I just remembered Christ's love and care for children and, did Christ ever hesitated to come near a leper or a sick person??.We left pune and were heading towards kasurdi, which is about 30-35 km from pune. It was hard travel ling by local ST Buses but it was real adventure. For myself and sachin brother our whole journey was on our two feet's as we were unlucky to have a seat in that crowded bus. Our group was of about forty members, including staff; all were excited, as it was real joy coming together. Our team is trying to help accomplish 'Great Commission'. All of were from different collages and backgrounds, but united under banner of Christ. Such camps motivated students and directed them to have fellowship with God. Our theme for this camp was ' Deeper In Love', which verily described purpose of our camp. To boast us in our spiritual fare, we had our our dearest staff of CCC, Brother 'Joseph Pawar'; a thirty year old man with a heart and zeal like a teenager. All our staff are helpful and caring towards students.After about an hour we reached kasurdi and started walking towards our venue, as it was about one or two kilometer away from the main highway. Students were having hard time carrying heavy luggages. It was real fun seeing exhausted faces of girls, but it was real hard time for sachin brother & satish brother to handle complaints of those irate girls. For me, i was lucky enough to get a lift from a small village boy on his bicycle, but on the condition that i should ride the bicycle. It was a real test riding on those rural roads but was great fun. I went ahead of our group, from distance i was able to see the board of that orphanage "Bal Nagri". On reaching there as i entered the premises, i was welcomed by strange & curious looks of small little cute children; as though i entered into a beautiful garden with extraordinary beautiful flowers. They surely were informed about our arrival. Those tiny little eyes reflected their cute questions, who is this boy?, where are others? How, they would be? . Facing wonderful attacks of those tiny questioning eyes, i gave a gentle smile towards them, and to my amazement, was responded soon with flood of smiles on their faces.Meanwhile, the manager came and welcomed and led me towards our rooms. Soon after sometime our group arrived. Some of them were excited looking around, while some were murmuring about facilities & pleasures available. It was a beautiful place, situated on laps of a small mountain and beautiful pond nearby added to its beauty. Soon we were provided with the camps schedule and things started working as per the schedule.After about an two hours, we had time for refreshment (teatime) after our introduction session. After that, we were given some time to rest as it was tiring journey; all of them went and rested for a while. I was thirsty, so i went inside the kitchen to quench my thirst. As i entered it, i saw some ladies, busy cooking food for our dinner. I requested for a glass of water, one of the lady filled a glass of water and asked a small girl to give it to me. She was about 3 to 4 years of age. The girl was trying to hide herself from me as I was stranger to her. With very strange & nervous look in her eyes she walked towards me. Her tiny steps were crossing great distance between our memorable relationship. She was wearing a frock made from a old silk Saree, dirt on the frock was showing her playful character, hairs were combed fairly, black "kajal" in her eyes reflected her calm innosense. As she came near, i sensed a bit of fear in those tiny eyes, trying to avoid eye contact with me, she gave me the glass of water. Bending down and holding her small hand to comfort her uneasiness, i asked her name, but she remained silent. After consistently asking for three times, she replied in a soft tone "Vaishali". After drinking the water i left her alone with a smile, with relief in her eyes she looked at me while i was leaving from there. I never thought that small introduction would be so memorable one.It was 8 o clock at night, we were to have our dinner but it was not ready yet. Meanwhile, myself, jyostna & swapnil started playing with those kids; asking them to sing and dance, trying to answer their small questions & laughing at their tender little funny actions and talks. Jyostna was teaching them some praise songs and they too responded with great interest. She has great desire and closeness towards small children, she loves to play with them. Each one of them were eager to show their skills & talents, they were enjoying it. Among them was a boy of great enthusiasm, about four years old, had healthy body with dark complexion, his clothes were muddy, which resembled his naughty character. That boy's naughty nature reminded me of my best friend 'Ajay', whom i lost just three month before. It was really a tragic accident, as he committed suicide. Lack of fellowship with God can cost us our life, when trading through hard times. I was feeling guilty, as i didn't tried my best to lead him on the way of Truth. Well, i was trying to forget that sad experience. The boy was dancing & singing with great activeness trying to impress us; and he did impressed us. I asked him his name: and with loud shout he said, "Ajay". All of sudden silence crept in, myself and Jyostna were baffled and started staring each other. As though memories of our broken friendship were not ready to leave me and often reminded me of our wonderful days and my burdened guilt. My world of those eternal memories of friendship was soon disrupted by sudden shook on my shoulder by jyostna because she knew, how close Ajay was to me. Soon the bell for dinner rang. All our students went to have food, i could make out how hungry they were. I was much dismayed on seeing the faces of children when the bell rang, they weren't happy, because they were to dine after us. I asked them to join us, but they said, 'they were to dine after us'. I felt sad, as i noticed that they were hungry and i also learn t that, they controlled their hunger, such was the discipline taught to them. Finding myself helpless in this matter, I went in and started having my food. It was really a blessed food, a typical healthy maharastrian food. Usually we don't have such menu in our meal coz many a times we use to feel homesick due to unusual meals offered to us, but this was a real treat. Some appreciated ,while some murmured against it. My eyes were on those kids, so i told about this to robin & mithun, they too felt sad for this. So three of us requested everyone to eat fast so that kids can have their turn; some of them responded and ate quickly, while some didn't cared and were busy eating with sharing stupid jokes. Finally, harsh request of Joseph Brother did the work and the room was empty. Kids came running and started having their food. In spite of their hunger, there was a strict discipline followed by everyone while having food.After busy & tiring first day of our camp, we prepared our beds. Myself, Ashish, Mithun & enosh were discussing about spiritual life, fellowship with God, about happening events around the world & also about those unfortunate kids. Engaged in discussing about those issues, when sleep engulfed us we didn't knew. Next morning was hard to welcome, as we were to wake up early in the morning for our morning devotion. Morning devotion was a real igniting experience for our sleepy soul. Usually we have such devotion in open air so that we could have fresh air. Morning devotion used to refresh us for the day by enticing us with sweet worship and encouraging Word of God. All was fine but it used to be hard task for Satish Brother & Sachin brother to go around and wake up all the students to get ready for the devotion. That morning i woke up early in the morning at around quarter to six, by the sweet alarm of chirping birds, shouting of sachin brother & busy noises of children outside. I wondered what were children doing in such early cold morning?? i thought, that they too might be having morning devotion but as i came outside, the scene in front of my eyes was different, as i was amazed to see those small children engaged in breaking thin dry stems & branches of trees. Some of them were shivering & rubbing their sleepy eyes to chase their precious sleep. All this was done to ignite & add fuel to a hot water boiler that was runned by dry wood sticks. Most embarrassing thing to know was that it was all done so that we could have hot water for bath. I learned on inquiring about it: that it was just a act of hospitality towards us & that the kids had regular routine like this every morning to boil water for them. Whatever!! it was, i didn't like it, because, firstly, i appreciated self help & secondly, getting served by kids in that cold weather was surely not understandable. I was freeze d with shame but i really appreciate their discipline to wake up early every day & the principle of self help carried by them. Myself, Mithun & Ivin were not able to bare it, so we joined to help them.Our objective was very well carried by spirit filled messages & blessed worship led by my spiritual guru 'Brother Joseph Pawar'. God bestowed His blessings in our sessions, building us towards spiritual maturity. I admired Campus Crusade's role in carrying the divine vision given by God to Dr. Bill Bright, burdening him to spread the message of truth in world, especially youths and taking his vision worldwide. For me, i adored Campus Crusade for being in my life, as it introduced me to true Life, or else I would have been living like a stone, useless and lifeless, having no strength to create a mark in this world, without any reason to be born in this world, away from contributing towards world of Truth. It's a real challenge to walk in the way of Truth but it goes easier on admiring our master's way of living & trying to meet His standard of living. Well, there were few things in Campus Crusade that I considered very hard to accept on my personal principles & understandings which many a times provoked me to stay away but whenever such thought aroused, i bring before me the humble offering of Dr. Bill Bright towards God's call. I just bring before my eyes the experience that Dr. Bill Bright shared in his autobiography "Amazing Faith" about His encounter with the glory of God, when he was selected for building a worldwide movement among youths. He said, God took him in a glorified trance, where God made him realize the unreached youths in different campuses that are to be reached with the gospel of Truth. Well for me, that was lot to make me a debtor of Campus Crusade. For me, i personally think, surely God must have shown me among those youths in that divine vision that was shown to Dr. Bill Bright years ago. So, i am always grateful & adore this movement as it introduced me to Christ. One more thing that insisted me to be with campus was my spiritual guru, Brother Joseph Pawar, who was very gracious in helping me in my spiritual search. He very well knew my thoughts & hunger in search of truth and also knew how to lead me in my new journey. Well, that was all about my relation with Campus Crusade, and i was proud to be part of it and for now carrying this movement in kasurdi it was real pleasure.In this busy schedule of sessions, we had some free time for sports and other activities too. During this time many of us used to spend time with those kids while some of them were busy gossiping and some rested. Second day of the camp was much formative. The day was sunny and the sun was striking real hard even in the month of November, yet there were movements going. We just had our lunch and were having break for an hour. Some preferred to rest, some to play & some to gossip. Myself, jyostna & swapnil were playing pranks on Satish brother & Hetal didi as they were newly married couple. Satish brother was the youngest male staff in Campus Crusade, so he was much close to us. Being youngest, he was young in spiritual realm too. He has a good sense of humour which many a times eased my worried soul and he has great confidence in God & himself, and i adored his confidence. He is like a elder brother to me, always caring about me and i too loved his caring nature and his free nature helps me to share my personal issues with him, which i rarely did with anyone. We used to spend a lot of time together but that used to be before his marriage, things were changing after it, well i understood it. He got a perfect but varied life mate, as hetal didi was from gujrathi background and brother from marathi. Hetal didi, was a simple girl and i always appreciated girls who left their homes and gave their lives to serve God.She is too caring and loving. They are perfect match, both young & beautiful with good understanding. Myself, jyostna & swapnil were enjoying pulling their legs. All of sudden i saw a vivid movement far away under a tree shade. I could make out, it was 'Vaishali' the small girl the one i met in the kitchen, playing all alone. Leaving others, i went to her and started playing with her. The game was very simple to make figures with the help of mud. I don't know, what kept me interested but i was enjoying it. Seeing us playing together, jyostna too joined us. As we were busy playing, a human shadow appeared on our muddy figures, as i turned back to see, i saw a woman standing behind me. She was 'Mrs. Gaware' the lady in charge of those kids: caretaker of those kids. She was here, after observing our keen interest in kids. We welcomed her with a gentle smile and she too responded with a lovely smile. Leaving vaishali playing alone we took a seat on bench under that tree shade. Introducing each others, we started discussing & asking her questions about these children. Questions relating to: admission of these children in this orphanage, causes of their infections, and how many years would they survive of this dreadful & deadly disease?. Our discussion ended with a deep silence, as Mrs. Gaware shared with us the most fatal truth about the survival of those kids. Myself & jyostna were shocked to hear that this kids had a limited life span of 10 to 20 years to live. I was quite depressed; these beautiful flowers were to be plucked before blooming. Barely looking at Mrs. Gaware I walked off from there without saying a word. Trying to ignore this tough truth, i started playing badminton with mithun. My relation with those kids was very close now, many i times i was found surrounded by them. In fact, many a times i had to send them back as I had to attend my sessions. Only God knew ed why was our bond becoming so strong. May be He wanted to break me, in his own divine way. Whatever it was, i loved those kids.Time was moving swiftly, mother nature was giving farewell to the glooming sun for it's noble cause of shining. It was about to be sunset, sky was looking as if an highway busy with the urgent flight of birds returning to their nests. The blue umbrella was turning saffron slowly, as though sun was throwing saffron essence on the clouds. Life was settling down after daily routine. It was our tea time, to refresh us for the coming sessions. I wanted to be alone, so trying to escape from all, i took my cup of tea and rested myself on footsteps of a small church, which was in the same campus. Loneliness, was something that i loved, so whenever i am happy or sad, confused or worried, i just prefer to spend some time with me, i love myself a lot because of who i am and i have great confidence in myself. Of course this supreme confidence came only from God. Sitting alone, i was thinking about those children.Suddenly a cold breeze flowed through air and took me in an unusual dilemma. That was a strange experience, dragging me into the world of misery. I started pondering over the events going in my life for last few months. It all started when i accepted to follow the truth, reverting back to life again. I knew ed while accepting Christ that it would be tough life in my attempts to be like Him but i also knew ed that it was the only true life and rest all is "Maya"(illusion). I was aware about such hardships, as i always remembered Christ's warning to aware about cost of being His disciple, but sometimes i was waved by those tough winds due to my own rtcomings & weakness to yield towards His spirit of truth & discipline.Firstly, it were, restrictions posted upon me by my family to attend Christian meetings, camps etc. My presence in this camp was itself is a hard story to tell. They were curbing my young desire to serve Lord & mankind, well i did understood their feelings too, but in all this clash it was my spiritual zeal that was getting hampered. It was hard carrying those unpleasant loads of worries towards my spiritual maturity. Sometimes, i wished, that it would have been better if my parents were to be good Christians, as they would have parted me away for the sake of Christ without any grudge in their heart. Secondly, my relation with my dear one. I felt as though our relation would not survive, because i saw fear breeding in that person's eyes. Fear of our future, fear to accept the whole truth. I was helpless, just because everything depended on that persons stand in my life. The person was not able to make head or tail in such a crisis of life. Thirdly, it was a tragic death of my best friend, just three month before. Things were not going the way i thought. I was feeling like an orphan, just like those kids. At least they were not lonely as i was. I tried sharing it with my close one but all was in vain. No one really understood my feelings & helplessness. In that conditions, the only thing that gave me company were my eyes, at least they had some pity on me and frequently shed their tears. This time also, they were the one who accompanied me. To hide my emotions i walked in a small garden, even the setting sun also helped me to hide myself, as it was dark soon. My emotions went uncontrollable, crying loudly my inner voice started asking to almighty, God where are you? Look i am all alone & helpless.. i don't understand your will? Don't you love me, lord? Well, that was all a cry of a troubled heart and confused soul. After about an hour of emotional drama, i controlled my tears and started walking towards church, where we were to have our evening devotion. Putting the mask of smile on my face, i sat on the stairs, outside the church with Joseph Br, swapnil and enosh waiting for others to come. Joseph Br meanwhile started worshiping God with his blessed voice. That moment, those songs literally took me into deep presence of God, to soothe my tired soul. Closing my eyes, i too started praising God, forgetting all worries, as though that moment,it was only me and God present there. As i was enjoying, suddenly 'Ajay' the small boy, came running towards me and hugged me tightly for a long time. I wondered towards his sudden reaction & thought what's the matter? I looked at Joseph Br, he too was amazed looking at it. After a deep silence, Ajay asked me with a real soft tone, "Dada,tu udya janar hais ka?" (brother, are you going tomorrow). To his small question, i was left speechless to answer. After a small pause i replied, " Yes, dear". On hearing this he held me more tightly and said with shattered voice, "please don't go". I was speechless again, and felt uncomfortable, trying to run away from this unusual situation, i went inside the church, leaving the boy outside. Some of the boys were practicing for worship, so i took a seat on the last row. The church was in dark as there was no electricity, things were helping me to hide myself. Sitting there i was reasoning about Ajay's behavior. All of sudden i saw a movement behind the church door, i saw someone leaning from behind the church door. In that dark, I recognized it was 'Vaishali'. I called her to me, with a gentle smile, taking her tiny steps she walked towards me, hugged me & sat on my laps. I started patting gently on her back to make her sleep, i don't know what warmth she felt in my bosom. Such closeness and love of these kids in these two days, dragged me for pondering over those issues. After some time, komal didi & jyostna came, they told me that the girl was sleeping, i didn't knew when she slept. Our session was about to begin, i had to send her back in her room. In my attempt to take her in her room, she was awake d, so i asked her to go in her room but she resisted as she wanted to be with me.After much pleading small promises, she finally moved out with her sleepy eyes. Our worship started, that day's worship was the most anointed in my life. Br Joseph led the worship under the power of Holy spirit. All i experienced was ignition of repentance, showing us the way of revival. It was clean show of God's worthiness and our unworthiness to stand before His presence. It's very hard for me to explain that experience in words. That divine atmosphere took me into a unusual world, where i was able to see things going in life with clear sight. The only thing that the Spirit of the Lord was aking me realize was the divine love of God, which i was trying to know with my own understanding. Those confusing lovings hugs of those kids made me realize God's love & care for me. This limited conscious mind learned God's divine way to discipline His disciple. It was His hand of discipline & comfort engulfing me, which i didn't realized. I wondered what made those kids to love me Were it the few kisses and hugs we shared? Or was it the time spent with them? I didn't gave anything worth from my side, but just love, that too ordained by the Spirit of God. These kids valued my simple act of love & care very worthy in their eyes. The same is with God, i didn't gave anything worthy to God except my genuine attempts to be like Him, longing for His fellowship and my desire to live for truth but God who is all merciful and loving. He took my unworthy sacrifices to be worthy in His eyes, encouraging me to carry on those wonderful burden of divine Love and peace throughout my life. He also taught me to be selfless and i am taking this expectation of His on priority basis in my life. That essence of his love made me to forget my selfish worries, all He taught me is to live like Him and live for Him: that is the Way, the Truth and the Life. I made up my mind, even if the things didn't went the way I wanted, my destiny will be to follow Truth. Once again my eyes were filled with tears ; this time with courage, comfort and power to love in adversities. Encouraged to give away my self for realization of truth and to follow it. Like a small kid i burst ed with tears, I came out of the church; sachin brother on seeing my emotional turnout tried to comfort me. I was not able control my emotions, with hissing tone i asked sachin brother, "how much will the lord love this unworthy one?". Sachin br was speechless, as it was not only me who experienced God's love but our whole group was victimized by that wonderful encounter of holy spirit. For me, God comforted and encouraged me to take my cross alone and not to deviate from His way even if my expectations go unmet. That day we all realized, how deeper in love God is with us. Finally, with thanksgiving we concluded with our service.As i walked outside the church, i was surprised to see 'Vaishali' sleeping outside, leaning on the church wall. I picked her up in my arms, this time not only with compassion but with joy & divine hope that God loves all of us. Not much worried about their sad fate, as though these beautiful flowers were to be plucked early, but they were having privilege to decorate our Masters table. As I was taking her in her room, while walking in that dark silent night i saw great peace shining on her face while sleeping. Peace that God gave to those children. Peace to be joyful in spite carrying those fatal truth, peace in their heart in spite of the uncertainties in their lives, peace while living every running second to glorify God, peace in midst of helplessness to meet their expectations. Peace was all that they had just because they had God in their simple life. I learn t to acquire that peace, those small kids taught me the vital aspects of life, which many of us are searching in worldly pleasures but i am thankful to God i got them from these simple & beautiful souls. That night's sleep was the most peaceful of all but i was sad as we were to leave that paradise tomorrow.Next day was the real climax. As our wonderful bond of love was to be ended. As we were to leave the campus to face this world with new courage & power to live with truth & righteousness. Everyone were burdened by heavy promises of those kids, asking us to come back someday before they _ _. For me it was real tough time to depart. Kissing and meeting each other, filled my eyes with tears, those tiny eyes too were filled with pure tears of love for our group. Somehow, i dragged myself out of that "mine of love" with those deep marks of love on my heart and gave a farewell to those small teachers. Truly, with those kids around us, our camp was much more blessed than any other camp I've attended so far. "Deeper In Love" was the ultimate theme, which very well glorified our camp. I decided to apply this theme in every aspect of my life. Love is God and Love is life, these two are not twain. No one can miss out any one of these, both are to be well realized to achieve salvation or moksha in life. Truly, God's love is divine and all powerful, giving hope and strength to go on in the only way- Christ's Way..
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amit